Dangers of Falling into …

Cleansing one’s self of the diseases that plague the heart is a continuing process. The moment you think that you have wiped away an evil aspect such as jealousy, envy or hate, that’s the moment you have to be careful for it to not come back. I do believe, our hearts are different. Hearts are born with different qualities but more importantly, how we nurture our hearts becomes the deciding factor as to what qualities it possesses. If you constantly remain on guard to not get angry, to not backbite, to not speak ill of others, to not harbour grudges, to not feel envy, the more likely you are to increase yourself in qualities such as gentleness, forbearance, calm temperament, contentment.  When we see others with faults, those faults are also reflected within us. That’s true in many cases, but it’s not always true.

Sometimes it is a matter of seeing those faults in others and separating yourself from such people who possess them. Your environment, your boundaries, your company is a thing to be mindful of. There is a saying, Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are! And at times, just hearing the toxic conversations is enough to make you fall back into those diseases that plague the hearts. With this I have a question for you! What is the norm? Confront the person directly to point out their faults, mistakes, shortcomings or any behaviour you find odd? Or do you indirectly convey the message through indirect talk or talking about their actions without specifically mentioning them? I am usually aware but I tend to ignore other people’s habits as long as they don’t affect me. Perhaps there is a lesson to learn here too, who not to be like? What qualities and habits to steer clear from? How to conduct yourself in day to day dealings with others?

Writing everything isn’t evidence of my wisdom. I write, so I can perhaps gain an objective insight into myself. I am full of faults, although I am mostly calm, anger is something I have struggled with most since childhood. At some point, I learnt to manage it. But even now sometimes the frustrations, irritations, stress and whatever else bottled inside, can quickly explode at times if not released through other mediums. 

I am writing this to assess the link between different diseases of the heart and whether any outside influence is responsible in lighting those evils? Responding to what comes at me is a choice where I exert influence. It mostly always comes back to me as an individual, how I respond, how I react, what is my demeanour, how is my behaviour, what is the state of my mind, what is the tone of my voice?

Picking up on this as the new year starts. 2022, here we come! The year begins with reflections upon death. So, I guess I might as well talk a little bit. I fell off the tracks mostly because of my own thoughts were overwhelming me. Because of the many events that have happened in the past, mixed with current issues, I was having suicidal thoughts. Not that I will act on them, but still they were present and getting me really down. So, I spoke about them to some close friends and after some reflection, I realised the underlying reason for it was that my self-esteem was hurt. I have always had great expectations from myself. When I fail, it’s often a struggle to pick myself up.

Fast forward to today, I mentioned earlier that I am finishing writing this article tonight. I wrote this in October 2021. Right now, I am sitting, fully awake, grateful, yet quite distressed. Distressed because Noor is nearing end of his life. The speechless boy I wrote about before. For the past week, Noor’s health deteriorating has been occupying my mind. It’s also making me reflect on life, a blessing! It’s making me reflect on death too. You see, no one knows how many more breaths he has got left to breathe. No one knows, how many breaths they themselves have left to breathe. Every soul shall taste death. It can come anytime in good health, good times or poor health and difficult times.

Noor has lived a wonderful life. The best he could have, even though he is not fully capable. Everyone around him prepares to part with him. I keep wondering if the miracle continues living. His survival for the past 30 years has been a miracle. He defied odds over and over. He clung to life. His will to live is strong. Even now, he breathes, rhythmically. He takes 3 to 4 deep breaths and holds it for 8 to 10 seconds. This pattern has further slowed, he now holds it for 20 seconds. He only has one lung functioning. The rest of his organs are slowly shutting down. Yet, his will to live is as strong. I am hoping that tomorrow, as the new sun rises. He gets better because he has taught me that life is precious. Too precious for any human’s intervention to try cut it short. However long we tarry on this earth, death is a certainty for us all.

Life is a blessing. Life ought to be lived fully. It is not a bed of roses. It is tough, the world can be cruel, circumstances can be harsh. No matter, it is still a blessing. A blessing to be grateful for. Give gratitude with each breath.

I sit here next to him waiting for him to breathe his last, yet I don’t know if I would breathe my last before him.

This makes me question the life I have lived, whether I done enough good. Whether I enjoyed it in good times, whether I remained patient in difficult times. Whether I have been grateful enough! Nothing else matters except a sound heart. Do I have one? I know Noor does, his heart was never tainted with the diseases. Even if his body suffered, his heart has remained pure, his heart is full of light. If you listen closely, you can hear him praise the Creator, his heart sings praise. His body suffers, we can only try lower his pain. All of this and much more that I can’t put in words has been occupying my mind.

It has also lit the spark inside me. He has helped me realise what a blessing life is. Life is beautiful if you are grateful for the things you have. Count your blessings.

He doesn’t want to see us cry or shed silent tears, so he breathes and his will to live remains strong.

Words of a speechless boy! A disability story

Care for me! Love me, don’t abandon me. Don’t kill me, I fear that someday I would be left to die alone. Why? Why do I have these thoughts? I am not capable of seeing? My vision is a blur of hues on the spectrum. All I see is light. It’s like I was born to witness the Light of God.

I can only hear from one ear. My body needs to be cared for. Nor can I walk, neither do I have the capacity to sit.

If you were to leave me, I would just lay there breathing. Don’t leave me! Oh! How I wish you could hear my thoughts?

Do you think that I haven’t wondered why was I born this way? Why was I born a burden to those around me? Yet, here I am still cared for. My mother told me this, son you are fortunate to live in a wonderful country that has a sound social welfare system. Were we to find ourselves in a different country and under different circumstances, I would have loved you the same but I often think, whether I would have been able to provide the same level of care to you.

Hearing this I thought, God brought me here, so people can look after me and feel grateful for what they have. In looking after me, many have found themselves and many have questioned themselves. Those who found themselves turned ever so grateful for all the blessings they were blessed with. However many, if not many, even then the blessings surrounding them enumerated suddenly! Those who questioned why do I have to be doing such work, found that life was difficult and that their conditions were worse than mine.

I feel this all through their touch, most are compassionate. I do wonder sometimes whose touch is sometimes harsh and negligent, are they not compassionate? Why care for me, if you do not actually care for me? I have a family like you. I focus on my thoughts so hard sometimes I feel as if I could communicate with them through these. A family that loves me, like a family that loves you? Do you not have anyone that loves you?

I smile, when I am happy. I cry, when I am in pain. I sleep, when I am tired. I share many emotions and feelings just like you. So what if, I cannot see or hear, taste or touch, sit and walk, speak and run like you. I am still as human as you. I am flesh, I am blood, I am bones and skins, I was birthed. I have a mother just like you. I know many don’t have mothers, children that are orphaned. I feel sorry for them. Yes, I do! Did you think that I am ungrateful? How can I be? When the wonders of world have been kept hidden from me? I feel no envy, I feel no hate. I hold no grudge. Yes, even for those whose touch is negligent. I feel sorry for them. I think to myself, why are they not grateful for the blessings they have?


Some are overwhelmed when they see me or try care for me. They cannot fathom what my life is like. But to them, I can only hope that they hear my thoughts, I am here in this world for a short while. For as long as I remain, I am blessed with the light that I see. A constant light as if Mercy itself enveloped me. I have a name too, just like you. You may think, I have no capacity to think but that is the state of my mind. Yes it is, but I am the one who thinks with his heart. I feel every emotion surrounding me. When I feel the negativity around me, I send out my heart’s waves. Thus I share some light that I see, with you. I wish you could see what I see. If you could, you would rather be me in my place.
I leave you with these thoughts, and I hope you hear me. ‘Which of your Lords blessings will you deny?’

Tongue and Speech

Words are powerful. What we say, how we say it often has consequences attached to it. Words have the power to uplift someone or break them depending how you say them. I express some thoughts around it in the linked article.

There’s a reason why the tongue, just a small muscle but one, that has the capacity to bring out so much good or cause much damage, is caged behind the teeth. If the lips were an entrance to the prison, the teeth and jaw comprise that prison. Tongue is the prisoner. Why? Because we should only speak when necessary.

Rumi said,”before you speak let your words pass three gates. Is it true? Is it necessary? Is it kind?”

In today’s world, this has somewhat changed. We can speak online via blogs, articles, comments, opinions that can be shared with the whole world. Or as many people that read those thoughts/online speech. There is a blur between speech and thought.

Like how I am currently writing out my thoughts and turning it into an article without saying a word. My tongue is still in its cage, yet it speaks. It speaks through words that have been typed.

This is why in today’s world, this golden narration that mentions, “the best of you are those from whose tongue and hands others are safe.” This turns ever more relevant.

Hands are not just used to cause physical harm to others in today’s world. Hands can partake in emotional harm that we can cause to others by typing out thoughtlessly, by uttering hate speech, online arguments, trivial talk, online gossips, backbiting through private messaging, spreading rumors. The more I think, all vices that were committed by the tongue prior to Internet connectivity, can be now committed remaining silent. I am silent in my speech yet my mind thinks, the hands and fingers type.

Now it is up to each of us individually how we make use of this thinking and typing. Do we use it to spread love, peace, goodness, call to peace or whatever other good there is? Or do we use it for malignant purposes?

Unlike being able to sense other person’s energy in real life, you can’t sense the electrical signals that type out those words.

It is still possible to grasp some of it through well articulated thoughts, articles, opinions etc.

Trying to follow down the spiritual path, I try to restrain my tongue and increasingly my thoughts. I smile as I write this thought because I do think since starting blogging regularly and with more consistency, I have allowed myself to become more quiet. I talk less, reflect more, prefer solitude, even though I score quite high on extraversion on the personality tests. Regardless of how extraverted I may be I think that I am well balanced with introversion and extraversion. Simply put, I am an ambivert.

This said though, I do see this online crises of trivial talk, disputes and arguments, hate speech worsening. Why? Because of rising inequality, a continuing widening of gaps; political, social and wealth.

Ever since I learnt martial arts and became confident in my ability to fight, I saw fighting as useless, something that will not bring me any good. I stopped being the aggressor. I stopped being the provocative type, I stopped being the mocking type who would push others in an argument to get physical.

Similarly learning and spirituality has helped me overcome some of my other faults. I am not implying that I have reached some sort of enlightenment, I can only hope to get there, some day perhaps? I don’t think I am at a level that can come close to the great spiritual leaders.

Because I am thinking out loud and not muttering the words writing this article, I am shifting from thought to thought. The direction I was trying to steer my thoughts after mentioning the rising values, social, political and wealth gap is how the Internet helps fuel all this. The media and news puts more light on fear and despair. The media and news does more to divide than unite. In addition, the rising populism of the extreme right and extreme left is very quickly reshaping many narratives. Combine this with the Great Reset and trying to shift the paradigm towards environmentally friendly world. What we see so far is like Dr. Anas has mentioned in this thread The mother of all Enrons. Carbon neutrality is just another window dressing and accounting fraud. In reality, current policies are exacerbating a brewing crisis.

I can’t help but think that what is actually happening is that the widening values and social gap is being taken advantage of. Totalitarianism is swiftly taking over under the guise of Liberal democracy. While some groups are being empowered currently, it is being done so without them realising that in actual fact, their freedom and rights too are being jeopardised. Haven’t the masses learnt the oldest trick in the books yet? We keep repeating this over and over again throughout history. Divide and rule! Take a moment to think about this, you are empowered to speak up but the speech creates a shift in the other end of the spectrum leading to an increasing divide. The two sides then, are pitted against one another.

This is a world wide phenomenon being actualized in different ways in different countries, hence why I am speaking or rather thinking about it in general terms. The biggest driver behind it was covid. It’s like, a mass experiment is being conducted in various ways. It’s most vivid in the so called Western democracies.

I stand for peace, I neither see myself on the right nor the left. We don’t know whether in the coming years this will resolve without a conflict or there will be a lot of internal and external strife before a resolution. Rather a revolution!

Lol I am neither a conspiracy theorists, nor a revolutionary. I much consider myself a wanderer that likes to observe and think. I would like to think that my views are formed after a lot of research and learning about different social, values, political and economic issues. But I leave it here for you to decide. Think things through…are you a pawn on the bigger board? Is the force behind you leading you to the other side? Will that happen through strife and unrest or through sensible agreements and disagreements? Is the force pulling your strings allied to you, or is it associating itself to you for their purpose, gain and glory?

You don’t have to think of the whole world. Because I am thinking in general terms. A good place to start is by asking which group do I belong to? What is happening around us? What forces are empowering us? What forces are engaged in the disenfranchisement? Are your rights and freedom in jeopardy? What can you do to engage your community to raise this awareness?

Damn! When I started writing this article, I had no idea my thoughts were going to go down this path. I guess I have been thinking a lot. Or perhaps I have been reading a lot and reflecting on the many different things I have been reading. But reading books only empowers me to think things through different perspectives. It spurs different thoughts about current affairs, both political and economic. At the same time, these are loosely held opinions as I am not trying to speculate on the future, I am not trying to delve into the unknown.

I am content and living in the present because I know ultimately what my beliefs are. All that is happening, has happened or will happen is through the divine will. Our choices are merely manifestations. I just have to work and make efforts to choose wisely and ask for wisdom to be patient with things that are not in my control. I’d like to urge you to do the same whatever your beliefs. Focus on making the best choices in the present moment.

To get a further idea on what has shaped some of my thinking before, take a look at this post. I wrote this at the end of 2019 reading some history books, and all of Ray Dalio’s then published work. However, I found that my thinking was too idealistic and looked at things from an unrealistic perspective. International relations, geopolitics and politics itself has a big influence on how things unfold/transpire.

Writing this once more, my thoughts turn their attention at the power dynamics that is in play between nations/countries, between different ideologies, different groups and the individuals themselves that are power hungry. So far as the human nature goes, power corrupts humans. Yet without their being an authority, civil strife and chances of anarchy increase. Ok… I think if I keep carrying on I will not stop writing this post. The original purpose of my writing this post was to remind myself, how blur is the line between keeping others safe from my hands and tongue. It is essentially the same in this day and age. Another important reminder that I have mentioned in prior posts comes to mind here paraphrasing, kind words are better than charity followed by injury and insult.

Finally, a new lunar year starts tonight or tomorrow depending on the new crescent. I don’t usually make new year’s resolution. However, this being a special day today, I want to commit to introducing some new changes. Developing a winning mindset. Here’s the linked 2 videos I watched in the morning to feel inspired. Muhammad Ali and Kobe Bryant, two top athletes talking about how to be the winner. While I practise writing without muttering and just paying attention to my thoughts and being cognizant of my thoughts. I wonder whether any of you feel an electric pulse run down the centre left and bottom part of the brain, when you feel inspired or when you feel focused. Often when I feel inspired and create a connection for that inspiration with some of my already set goals, I feel this electric pulse in the centre left side of the brain that runs down towards the bottom left side of the neck. Like something getting rewired in me, it is motivating, the sensation and the feeling itself. Would love to hear your thoughts on this.

So recently, I have been listening to exegesis of some chapters for the purposes of spirituality, reading some philosophical books. Eric Fromm, currently reading Fydor Dostoevsky, and will probably revisit some Theology and Nietzsche after going through Dostoevsky’s work. This extra reading is to satiate the curiosity and thirst for learning more and looking at the world through different perspectives.

What I wish for is the ability to be able to read a book from a writers perspective, that would be a powerful thing. Imagine reading it from writer’s perspective and then reading it once more shedding that perspective and bringing in your own insights. It can be done I think, because some of the fictional works I have read e.g., Dan Brown, Robert Ludlum, J.K Rowling and Haruki Murakami, some of my favourite authors whose works completely captivate me and I can just immerse myself into a different world and at times feel so in tune with writer’s thoughts that I can see how the story is growing but at the same time, the curiosity and escapism keeps me latched on to read more and more.

Haha, this is what happens when I write spontaneously and just listen to my thoughts and type them out. I guess last year and when I first started writing on here, this was very much my style. Now, I sort of try to stick to the topic but that makes it sort of tedious.

Here once more, I have to remind myself the importance of humility and knowing the Creator of the thoughts. Recognising the apparent and real ability and be grateful for the many opportunities and vigour that keeps me at learning more stuff. Imagine the amount of knowledge there is in this world. Of the past generations and the present, if that knowledge is equivalent to the oceans. Then my knowledge is probably equivalent to a single molecule of water. It won’t even equal a drop.

While it is great to acquire more knowledge and learn more, it’s even better to specialise in a niche field. That’s where my current focus is. A winning mindset is essential to successfully specialise.