Thoughts about running! A Timely Story

I having been running ever since I was present. My essence is running itself. I don’t wait for anyone. I run away from anything and everything. Please don’t try to stop me, because I won’t.

What am I running towards? I long for unity. I long to enter the limitless and eternal realm, where I won’t matter anymore. No one would have to be concerned about me. I guess that’s partly the reason, in fact the main reason why I keep running. Everyone I came across, so many, all the faces I have met, have been worried sick about me. It will be the same or probably get worse as I move along and see more faces. They worry themselves to old age, grey hair and yet, I am still running away from it all.

I wish I could stop for a second to console those who worry. It’s not in my nature to look back. I am always looking ahead. I have quite the positive outlook if you were to think of me as someone always looking for the sun to rise. Will I stop when this world comes to end? I am not sure! I may slow down to catch a breath. For now, all I know is that I have to keep running.

Like that kid who’s always been running away from everything his whole life. Looking for an escape, longing for it. I have been watching him his entire existence. In the rear view mirror of course! I can’t look back. I wanted to stop and console him but there’s no helping it. I have seen him grow up. I don’t know what lies ahead for him. If I could give him some advice, I wonder what would I tell him? What thoughts? What words will soothe him? I don’t know! Is it really advice that he is looking for? Is it else that he is seeking? Does he know that, what he seeks, is also looking to find him? An old poet said this. Rumi was it? So many have been lost in me that I forget most. Few I remember well. It’s because their names are spoken of again and again. It’s like they are trying to yell at me, “Hey look, even though you have been running away from me for my whole existence, I am still able to keep up the pace with you.” It’s those that beat me to my destiny even before I could get there myself. And did I tell you that, I have been running ever since I was present? How can they transcend me? Am I not their equal? What am I to them? Am I just a perception to them? Yes, that’s it. I am a mere perception because those are also the ones, who are not concerned about me. They grow old too, but they don’t worry about me. So many try race against me, but I beat them all. I am the fastest runner, the best at running. At least this is what I think. There maybe someone else faster than me. In fact, there could be many. No wonder, why I change too. Am I running away or chasing after my destiny? It’s been so long that even sometimes, I forget. I need reminders too. In different places, I am perceived differently. Just like that kid who has been running away his whole life. Sometimes he reminds me of myself. He maybe just one, but almost everyone I have looked back at in the mirror, try to keep up with appearances. There is something else about him. It’s because he tries so hard to not care, and not care about what others think, but even then, people are just presumptuous. That’s how it is! He doesn’t care whether his name’s up in the lights or known to no one. Or does he? Maybe now, it’s I, who is assuming it. I wish I could stop to ask him but I can only look back at him. He looks forward to me because he is trying to find an escape. What is he trying to escape from? I wish I could tell you because I have seen it all, in the rear view mirror of course! Some things are better left unsaid. I do not reveal secrets, it’s up to him. He found people that he was able to confide in. He found people that he put his trust in. Were it them he was looking for? Did he get his escape afterwards? He is still looking for an escape. Sometimes it overwhelms him. He wakes up in the middle of the night with thoughts zooming in and out and he pours them all out writing. Trust? Isn’t that what he always struggled with? Hmm. Now I know exactly what to tell him. I would tell him to trust me. Because I only look forwards, if he were to trust me, he will find his escape. But that seems wrong. His beliefs are different. We share the same beliefs but, perhaps I am not saying it in the right way. What he must trust is the divine will that is leading him forwards and nurturing him. Like it is leading me forwards. You see, I like to advise people in the way it is easy to understand. However, because we share the same beliefs, it’s easy to find words for him.

What about someone else? Someone who doesn’t share my beliefs? Someone who perhaps, has been consumed by nihilism? Or someone who has been consumed by consumption itself? Or someone who chases after fantasies, or someone looking to find a purpose in others?

What would I tell them? What is their purpose? Do I even know it? Perhaps they are also the ones not worried or concerned about me. They live life to the fullest or at least they try and aim to. To them this is it. This is all of their existence. The morals and the idea of wrong and right, significantly changes, living with those beliefs. But I guess, they find their purpose in perpetuity, thinking this world would go on forever. That’s to align their good morals. They think that I won’t stop running. I might not but perhaps, I will be perceived differently. What about those who don’t have a moral compass? I don’t know, I guess this is too much to listen to. I could try capture all thoughts as I run but, you see, running feels great when you lose yourself in it. I run and take in the views serenely. Running is meditation to me. I have a rhythm. I change in different places but that’s also part of my rhythm. That’s another thing perhaps, I would remind that kid about. I know he writes and focuses on rhythm a lot. Meditating and practising martial arts and all. He perhaps, hasn’t found his escape because he hasn’t found his rhythm.

I am glad that he is thinking about me and I in return, am able to offer him some of my thoughts. He writes it all down at the break of dawn. Waking up to find serenity but his thoughts were everywhere. So, he picked up his phone and started thinking and typing. I like how this conversation took place quietly. I didn’t have to utter a word because I am busy running. He is there trying to grab onto my thoughts I leave behind. I wish him a Good Morning! And remind him once more, “Remember, trust and rhythm. Trusting the rhythm of the entire existence.”

Beauty and Love Inspired 2021

مگشا در اندیشه و برگیر رباب
صدگونه نماز است و رکوعست و سجود
آنرا که جمال دوست باشد


Let the beauty of what you love

Be what you do,
There are hundreds of ways to kneel and kiss the earth.

میں اکیلا ہی چلا تھا جانب منزل مگر

لوگ ساتھ آتے گئے اور کارواں بنتا گیا


I set upon the journey all alone but,

People joined along the way and it became a caravan

کیسے کہوں میں دل کےفرماں

الفاظ بن نہ سکے جو تھے چھپے ارماں


How can I tell you the secrets of the heart?

Those hidden desires could not be translated to words

واقف جو ہے سینے سے میرے

جانتا ہے وہ دل کی دھڑکن کو تیرے


The one who knows these hidden secrets,
He knows your beating heart too,

کیوں کرتا  ہے تکبر اتنا

چلتا ہے تو اکڑا کر جتنا

Why have you such pride?
Why walk conceitedly?

پہاڑ بھی نہیں تیرے ھم قد

نا ہی چھو سکتا ہے آسمان کو تو

Neither are you as tall as mountains, nor can you touch the sky

ذرا غور کر اعمال پر اپنے

اعتراف بھی، اعتراض بھی

Ponder over your actions
Accept some, reject some

کس منزل پر چلا ہے تو

کیا ممکن بنانے چلا ہے تو

Where do you plan to go?
What impossible are you trying to make possible?

اس زندگی کے موڑ پر چٹان ھیں، اور دریا بھی

گزر گئے ہیں جو مکاں، وقت کی رفتار میں

In life’s journey, every turn you will either face a mountain or a river
The moments that have been lost in time,

توجہ دلانے کا سبق اٹھا

تنظیم کا پرچم لہرا

Learn to focus your attention ahead,
Waving the flag of discipline

خودی  کو کر بلند اتنا

کے ہر تقدیر سے پہلے

خدا بندے سے پوچھے

بتا، تیری رضا کیا ہے

Raise yourself to a rank, that before every distribution of fortune
God asks of you,
Tell me what you desire!



Obviously I started with Rumi and ended with Iqbal. The thoughts are really based on some poems I read long ago.


Here’s to a new year… 2021 starting it differently; beauty and love and not a Bang 2020 😉 yeah that didn’t go well last year did it haha

Every day is a new day. You can start all over again from today and when you decide to start again.

Sunday Musings

Why we do the things we do? Hmm… probably a wrong question to start with. We do a lot of things subconsciously, a lot of things because they are part of what we reflect outwards, few things deliberately. The things I am referring to here are our thoughts, actions and emotions. Right now I am trying to meditate with my eyes closed, breathing and searching through these past two weeks. Why? Because I said a lot bad things to someone I know- retaliating. A few years back or maybe more, it’d be fine and it wouldn’t upset how I act or what I say. Even now sometimes I do think that dropping to other person’s level and lashing out can be a good way to deal with certain individuals- especially narcissists and individuals that exhibit psychopathic traits or are perhaps psychopaths.

Obviously it is better to keep away from such people, however, we cannot always choose who we encounter in our lives and if I were to personally take a long look back, I think I have learnt a lot from some of the people I wish I hadn’t encountered. These individuals can be a good test of character and resilience. People are tested through other people. It’s part of human society. Life is not a bed of roses… certainly not for me in the present haha… but this doesn’t mean that there is nothing in life to be grateful for. Rather gratitude should always be first… we are always blessed with a lot of good. We just have to open our eyes and mind, feel the gratitude in our hearts. Life is not easy… life is a challenge and if you are not challenging yourself, you aren’t living up to your potential.

Every time I start writing, my mind just tries to delve deeper into the philosophy that has shaped my thinking so I have to take a step back and refer back to what I am trying to write instead of what I want to write. Would it be a good thing to just write out all my thoughts and how they are layered? It’s what I do in all my blogs… perhaps because of few recent encounters I am unable to. What gets to me is the fact, that I let my ego and old behaviours control me. It’s easy to drop to other person’s level, especially when other person is mean and malicious. I retaliated because I was perturbed. I was mean and harsh, said a lot things that I didn’t want to or think of. The blog sometimes is a cool way of letting out what’s going through my mind… let it all out and re-centre myself so that I can focus on the process and not outcomes. Our thoughts, emotions and behaviours our intertwined… how we act out is what gets filtered into other aspects of our lives. For example my writing and thoughts right now, in the present moment are distressed by recent encounters. This will filter into other pursuits if I don’t examine it and let it settle in my subconscious. So hence why, before it happens… I address it. I have given myself enough time to feel whatever happened. In the last 3 weeks or so… I cannot say that I have been focussed on following the process, routine and staying disciplined. So perhaps these are the reasons why my behaviour during the encounter though somewhat calm initially, couldn’t remain so.

When things go awry… it is time to take a step back, look at the discipline, routine and practice. This is what I am always to trying to achieve more in… measure myself against. A quote I love says, be grateful for the blessings you are blessed with and be grateful for the blessings you are denied. Therein lies divine wisdom.

Here one might think- am I denied a blessing because I don’t deserve it? This is surely a wrong way to think about it. A better approach would be to think, what would I be like had I been blessed with those things? Recognising the extent of evil and chaos that I could perhaps fall in, …. if I invert this, the way I am currently thinking about it or what I mean by it is, “You don’t rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems.” (J Clear) In trying to take a step too many, there is a greater chance of temptations and evil within us side tracking us or make us shoot for the wrong goals. Hence why, before we set out to create order, we create order within ourselves.

I cannot take back the words I said, however, in future I can show better display of character. That would be a good step forwards… in the present moment, I can show and feel gratitude, cherish the good people. Most of all… staying focussed on the process and routine.