On the Duality of Life

Let everything happen to you Beauty and terror Just keep goingNo feeling is final Ranier Maria Rilke Regardless of who we are or where we are born, we cannot escape one of the most inevitable experiences in life, the certainty of suffering. While we desperately try to find stability, we soon realize the inherent state…

On the Duality of Life

Blind Spots

One of my biggest blind spots that has continually sabotaged me has been trying to stay and act strong. When in real time, I am mentally exhausted, my emotions are not in my control.

I don’t know whether to call this a personality or character fault. It happens under high pressured scenarios where FFF response hijacks me. Looking back I can see situations where my biggest mistakes were made in freeze or fight back mode. I am trying to think of a situation where flight caused me to make mistakes. If anything, taking a step back or fleeing/ running away, seems a better option when hijacked by the emotional brain i.e., amygdala. There is no shame in surviving, live to fight another day.

As a martial arts practitioner…. what will I choose when hijacked by my emotional brain? Fight, flight or freeze? Definitely not freeze… it’s either fight or flight and the judgement call somewhat comes from experience and practise. Exposure to fighting experiences. Once more there is no shame in surviving to live to fight another day, from a position of strength. A martial arts practitioner is a smart fighter, who knows when and when not to engage in battles. He understands that there maybe losing battles, but the war is won by strategy and plan. Damn… I am starting to sound like Sun Tzu. 😅

I am writing this because I am trying to assess why in different situations, my nature is to fight back but that’s because in real time, I cannot tell that my emotional brain has hijacked me. This happens under high pressured scenarios.

Going forwards what procedures or process can I put in place to avoid this pitfall? Flight is a good option that gives me a chance to step back, cut the loss short. It gives me a chance to step away, however, it will only be effective if I can be aware in real time. The emotional brain can be very tricky and often it is very hard to know what is happening until the damage is done.I have failed to do this over and over again. I have made a lot of mistakes in life, in high pressured scenarios, in high performance activities. I guess the only way to overcome these faults of mine is by sticking to a process. It’s easier said than done in real time. But if I am able to take corrective action especially to something I have been blind for so long. I can avoid pitfalls and sabotaging behaviour. I can minimise it, I can keep it under check.

I also know that it will not happen overnight and that it will take further practise. In pursuit of any craft, deliberate practise with focused attention is what builds the necessary skills. That said, I am glad to at least have gained this knowledge through constantly reviewing my own work, performances and analysing fights.

The reason why I like to compare my behaviour and my responses in martial arts to other high performance activities is because my experience and skills are greater in martial arts than other high performance endeavours and skills I am pursuing. It provides me an opportunity to assess my nature, my learnt behaviours. By nature I am fiesty, I do not like losing, I am competitive. I like to do better each time. I am impatient and act often without thinking. Knowing all my faults, the only thing that can save me from myself is a process- one of deliberate practise with focused attention.

To summarise this to myself and hopefully it helps you too, my biggest blind spot is keep on fighting even when hijacked by the amygdala. Why? Because my character has been shaped over years such that I act strong even when I am not. Here perhaps what I am seeing is the double edged sword that resilience is. However, it is not resilience that keeps me fighting. It is my emotions.

A quick update and something to think about!

It’s not that I have ran out of ideas and lost my interest in writing and blogging.

Past few weeks, I have been writing a lot as a matter of fact. Probably written well over 15000 words for different reports. I can’t really say more than that about them.

On the bright side, I have about 5 different topics laying about in my drafts on this blog site. It’s just that I haven’t been able to complete them because most of them required a bit more effort and research and some require deeper reflection.

Anyways, this coming Sunday, I should be good to release the drafts laying about. Maybe even 2 at a time. Let’s see how I get on.

My focus recently has a lot been on meditation. In short, I came across 2 of Dr. Joe Dispenza’s books, How to break the habit of being yourself! And Becoming Supernatural. A lot of skeptics who may read those books will simply discard the research. But my question to those literalists and skeptics is this, science is only recently uncovering the quantum physics and neuroscience of human potential. The ancients have possessed this knowledge long before us.

To give some examples, meditation, contemplation and solitude has resulted in select few ordinary people to unlock their hidden potential.

A lot of books are full of miracles and stories we regard as fables and perhaps exaggeration to some. My question then is this, if quantum physics and neuroscience is revealing some of these hidden secrets only now. Imagine how much there is to unravel. Are you still sceptical of miracles? Are you still not a believer? I am not really giving you any solid evidence. I am only laying out where evidence can be found. The two books I mention will give you some idea on neuroscience of mysticism and the access to quantum field. Different dimensions…. then there are other books on real life mystics who have lived before us and some who live among us even now, who have performed miracles.

Anyway, I was only here to give a short update but as always i start talking about things… this time, things I have been reading and researching and meditations I have been practising. Dr. Joe Dispenza is one person who has documented research and books and then there is also, Wim Hof, the iceman who is spreading a powerful and simple breathing technique which enables us to get high. Yeah… that is literally what happens… you get high off your own supply. No drugs, no intoxication haha

Give them a search on YouTube or google and ask yourself this question, do you still deny the miracles of the mystics?