Been a while…

I remembered to come back here because I  spoke about it (The Blog) to someone earlier. It sent me a reminder that I write.

There’s a lot going on in life at the moment, so I have not been as consistent on here. Rest assured, life is moving forwards in a good direction. I can never say that I control the helm, however, the wind is currently favourable.

So much has happened and I am excited! Looking forward to do a list of things that have been in my bucket list. Go a bit crazy haha…despite a gloomy global outlook. One that is worrisome! Of course, the threat of nuclear war is a big worry. But I don’t know whether it’s going to happen or not, just like the uncertainty that I have dealt with most of my life.

Oh, that made me worry! It caused a lot of stress, stress that turned chronic. I was holding on to so much, not knowing how to let go.

Fortunately, there were many blessings along the hardships and many lessons learnt from the hardships. I wish I could say that I am wiser but I cannot. The most I can say perhaps is that, I am wiser compared to who I was. I am content and happy knowing this. After all, this is all I preach right!

Strive to be better than who you were yesterday!

Been a while… but I am grateful for the many blessings. It’s been a while… I am kind of mulling over what I should write about.

I know I said that I would write about geopolitics if things turned sour for Nord Stream 2 (NS2) and other causes of energy security concerns. The topic is too political and contentious for my liking at the moment. Maybe I will post facts regarding energy security concerns and the transition to renewables.

Or maybe I should just write out what I think because this blog has mostly been  a place for me to dump my thoughts.

You see time doesn’t stop for anyone. I speak from the perspective of time in this blog (https://macropassions.wordpress.com/2021/09/08/thoughts-about-running/https://macropassions.wordpress.com/2021/09/08/thoughts-about-running/ Thoughts about running! A Timeless Story)

Time is limited for us in this world. The conditions today are such that the variance is high, some have more time on earth than others because of wars. Others have more free time, and most are enslaved, tied down that they fail to even realise that they are never free.

Freedom! A word that can mean different things to different people. Free speech, freedom to live how you want to, freedom to travel, freedom to choose between right and wrong. The list goes on and on….

Definitely been a while… I am back to being my usual self, spontaneous, jumping from thought to thought. I prefer this way of blurting out my mind. Often quietly, turning thoughts into words on here. Like waving a wand and writing out what I want.

Writing is a form of Meditation for me. It’s a form of therapy. It helps me shed my thoughts to calm my mind. Then when I take a deep breath, I find that I am here in the now, in this moment, in the present moment.

A final reminder: We don’t rise to the level of our expectations, we fall to the level of our training.

Knowing this helps me remain humble and adopt a mindset of a student. Taking it step at a time. Although I have bad habits of trying to get ahead of myself, but having a process and holding myself accountable can minimise those bad habits.

Upon meeting people- Law of Attraction

We choose not randomly each other. We meet only those who already exist in our subconscious. -Sigmund Freud.

Another perspective that I know and believe in is this. ‘Before being born into this world, all the souls reside in the realm of souls. It is there, they take the Covenant. Thereafter, they freely meet other souls. They get along with some and not get along with others.’

It is said that the souls that get along in the realm of souls, if they happen to meet in this world, get on with each other.

When I read the above mentioned quote by Freud, this perspective came to my mind. I have no idea if this can be linked in any way to the subconscious. Some things do not necessarily need rationale.

However, I also think that Freud most likely was thinking through the psychological perspective. 88% of our mind being subconscious, we attract those people towards us, that our subconscious dictates in silence. When I look back and the many faces that I have personally come across, some good, others not so good. I can definitely see a correlation of some sort as to why I came across those people.

It is difficult to change our nature and beliefs that are embedded from a young age. However, we can nurture our subconscious. We can consciously create and replace old neural pathways. Well, if you don’t believe me, there is scientific evidence. The Power of Habit, Atomic Habits, The Chimp Paradox are excellent books that deal and explain it with scientific evidence.

So, why am I writing this? Subconscious mind! The unconscious mind! The conscious mind!

Thinking in relation to what Frued has said, we attract people that exist in our subconscious. Alter your subconscious, and you attract people accordingly. I can say that there is a lot of truth in this. If you believe everyone around you is acting in your favour, it will be so, because you will attract more people that do act in your favour. If you think the world is your enemy, you will come across more ill-intent people.

Why do we learn these lessons the hard way? That’s human nature perhaps 😅

I am grateful to the many people that I have come across. I am also grateful to the ones who were not so good, they taught me to alter my subconscious, to attract more kind and compassionate people towards myself.

Blind Spots

One of my biggest blind spots that has continually sabotaged me has been trying to stay and act strong. When in real time, I am mentally exhausted, my emotions are not in my control.

I don’t know whether to call this a personality or character fault. It happens under high pressured scenarios where FFF response hijacks me. Looking back I can see situations where my biggest mistakes were made in freeze or fight back mode. I am trying to think of a situation where flight caused me to make mistakes. If anything, taking a step back or fleeing/ running away, seems a better option when hijacked by the emotional brain i.e., amygdala. There is no shame in surviving, live to fight another day.

As a martial arts practitioner…. what will I choose when hijacked by my emotional brain? Fight, flight or freeze? Definitely not freeze… it’s either fight or flight and the judgement call somewhat comes from experience and practise. Exposure to fighting experiences. Once more there is no shame in surviving to live to fight another day, from a position of strength. A martial arts practitioner is a smart fighter, who knows when and when not to engage in battles. He understands that there maybe losing battles, but the war is won by strategy and plan. Damn… I am starting to sound like Sun Tzu. 😅

I am writing this because I am trying to assess why in different situations, my nature is to fight back but that’s because in real time, I cannot tell that my emotional brain has hijacked me. This happens under high pressured scenarios.

Going forwards what procedures or process can I put in place to avoid this pitfall? Flight is a good option that gives me a chance to step back, cut the loss short. It gives me a chance to step away, however, it will only be effective if I can be aware in real time. The emotional brain can be very tricky and often it is very hard to know what is happening until the damage is done.I have failed to do this over and over again. I have made a lot of mistakes in life, in high pressured scenarios, in high performance activities. I guess the only way to overcome these faults of mine is by sticking to a process. It’s easier said than done in real time. But if I am able to take corrective action especially to something I have been blind for so long. I can avoid pitfalls and sabotaging behaviour. I can minimise it, I can keep it under check.

I also know that it will not happen overnight and that it will take further practise. In pursuit of any craft, deliberate practise with focused attention is what builds the necessary skills. That said, I am glad to at least have gained this knowledge through constantly reviewing my own work, performances and analysing fights.

The reason why I like to compare my behaviour and my responses in martial arts to other high performance activities is because my experience and skills are greater in martial arts than other high performance endeavours and skills I am pursuing. It provides me an opportunity to assess my nature, my learnt behaviours. By nature I am fiesty, I do not like losing, I am competitive. I like to do better each time. I am impatient and act often without thinking. Knowing all my faults, the only thing that can save me from myself is a process- one of deliberate practise with focused attention.

To summarise this to myself and hopefully it helps you too, my biggest blind spot is keep on fighting even when hijacked by the amygdala. Why? Because my character has been shaped over years such that I act strong even when I am not. Here perhaps what I am seeing is the double edged sword that resilience is. However, it is not resilience that keeps me fighting. It is my emotions.