Words of a speechless boy! A disability story

Care for me! Love me, don’t abandon me. Don’t kill me, I fear that someday I would be left to die alone. Why? Why do I have these thoughts? I am not capable of seeing? My vision is a blur of hues on the spectrum. All I see is light. It’s like I was born to witness the Light of God.

I can only hear from one ear. My body needs to be cared for. Nor can I walk, neither do I have the capacity to sit.

If you were to leave me, I would just lay there breathing. Don’t leave me! Oh! How I wish you could hear my thoughts?

Do you think that I haven’t wondered why was I born this way? Why was I born a burden to those around me? Yet, here I am still cared for. My mother told me this, son you are fortunate to live in a wonderful country that has a sound social welfare system. Were we to find ourselves in a different country and under different circumstances, I would have loved you the same but I often think, whether I would have been able to provide the same level of care to you.

Hearing this I thought, God brought me here, so people can look after me and feel grateful for what they have. In looking after me, many have found themselves and many have questioned themselves. Those who found themselves turned ever so grateful for all the blessings they were blessed with. However many, if not many, even then the blessings surrounding them enumerated suddenly! Those who questioned why do I have to be doing such work, found that life was difficult and that their conditions were worse than mine.

I feel this all through their touch, most are compassionate. I do wonder sometimes whose touch is sometimes harsh and negligent, are they not compassionate? Why care for me, if you do not actually care for me? I have a family like you. I focus on my thoughts so hard sometimes I feel as if I could communicate with them through these. A family that loves me, like a family that loves you? Do you not have anyone that loves you?

I smile, when I am happy. I cry, when I am in pain. I sleep, when I am tired. I share many emotions and feelings just like you. So what if, I cannot see or hear, taste or touch, sit and walk, speak and run like you. I am still as human as you. I am flesh, I am blood, I am bones and skins, I was birthed. I have a mother just like you. I know many don’t have mothers, children that are orphaned. I feel sorry for them. Yes, I do! Did you think that I am ungrateful? How can I be? When the wonders of world have been kept hidden from me? I feel no envy, I feel no hate. I hold no grudge. Yes, even for those whose touch is negligent. I feel sorry for them. I think to myself, why are they not grateful for the blessings they have?


Some are overwhelmed when they see me or try care for me. They cannot fathom what my life is like. But to them, I can only hope that they hear my thoughts, I am here in this world for a short while. For as long as I remain, I am blessed with the light that I see. A constant light as if Mercy itself enveloped me. I have a name too, just like you. You may think, I have no capacity to think but that is the state of my mind. Yes it is, but I am the one who thinks with his heart. I feel every emotion surrounding me. When I feel the negativity around me, I send out my heart’s waves. Thus I share some light that I see, with you. I wish you could see what I see. If you could, you would rather be me in my place.
I leave you with these thoughts, and I hope you hear me. β€˜Which of your Lords blessings will you deny?’

What do I talk about when I talk about balance?

One of my starting posts on this blog site was about Balance.

As I write this blog, I want to reflect on balance once more. What do I talk about when I talk about balance? Rather, imagining balance once more.

To summarise my previous blog, if you don’t feel like clicking on the link above or here, I wrote about emotions felt as a result of imbalance. I then, presented 2 ways of dealing with this imbalance to find balance. 1) Solution oriented approach 2) Getting at the root causes approach. I then added a bit of wisdom from one of my favourite characters uncle Iroh. Wish he was my real uncle lol πŸ˜†

Here’s another one of my favourites

I could just post all the Uncle Iroh’s pins and end this blog. But let me reflect on balance πŸ€”

Hope and strength is what you give yourself in dark times. That is the true meaning of strength. This is another one of Uncle Iroh’s quotes. I wanted to expand on hope.

What is hope? If I take no action towards my goals, can I hope to reach them?

If I refuse to change my habits or set ways, can I still hope for a better future?

True hope is having done the work, put in the effort and then hoping for the best. But the temporal nature of this life is such that, amidst this true hope, we can fall victim to other vices that can create imbalance within us.

An example, I write this blog for my self-development, reflections and sharing it so that, others who can relate to my thoughts can perhaps find benefit from it. But then, I start getting big headed and start thinking that I am wise and start boasting about my work and knowledge. This results in arrogance and the kind of arrogance whose roots can grab hold of the thinking, ‘that I am better than others’.

I prefer relating examples to myself because I don’t want to mention anybody else. It’s simple to use myself as an example, it’s also an antidote to keep a check on myself. It’s also a way to keep humble and knowing whether any of these vices taint my mind and/or heart.

While not with this blog, I have surely tried to get ahead of myself in other endeavours. Not thinking of myself better than others, but rather over exaggerating my skills in my own mind. This is also arrogance. Arrogance that makes me forget gratitude. Arrogance that makes me break my rules. Arrogance that causes me to praise myself and think how good I am because of my recent streak, processes and actions. Failing to acknowledge the real cause of my skills and failure to remain humble. Forgetting that all the skills, wisdom, intelligence, good habits that I have gained at all points is attributed to God alone. What I am trying to say is that ‘True Hope’ is having hope in the ‘Divine Decree’, on the condition that I do my best, put in the effort and then hope to not fall into the traps of my ego and whims. Hope to fall in love with the repeatable process to make it my instinct. Hope to improve so I can systematise it. Or better yet, another one of uncle Iroh’s quotes would fit well here.

Get help from others in areas where you are weak. Doing this over and over, you can start to see some of your blind spots. You can start to see your learnt behaviours and patterns.

I am going to pivot away from all the talk and reflection and finish this by saying, what can help me the most is being comfortable with uncertainty. It is indeed difficult to be patient over something that you don’t have knowledge of, or control. And what helps to be comfortable is meditation. It works well so long as I am not neglecting others areas and aspects of life. It is difficult to move forward keeping everything in balance. Especially when balance is frail in the first place πŸ˜……. even then balance, contentment, equanimity can be achieved via staying and living in the present.

ps. I got the idea for the title from Haruki Murakami’s memoir ‘What I talk about when I talk about running.’

When The Rain Stops!

There are rain clouds above me.

Covering up the sky,

The sun,

The moon,

and the stars.

Every time I step forwards, 

The cloudbursts in synchronised symphony.

I wish for the courage to soak up all the rain.

And when the rain stops, and clouds clear up,

I want to look at the sky and remember what promises I made!

I want to chase those dreams!

End.

Some thoughts while I was writing these 2 poems. No self help and psychology can help an individual when they give up on themselves. Right now in this moment, I feel like I have given up. So I write, I write so that I can influence my feelings. I write so that I can alter my thoughts.

The words are a medium; inspired by thoughts, experiences, feelings, imagination, creativity.  

Just like we first take shelter from the rain and storm, it is only after the rain, that there is more life. The tallest trees soak up the rain in that proportion.  The nature provides many parables. 

Just like a bird that struggles to fly away from the nest. If it gives up trying, it won’t ever look up at the sky. 

Pride and Alive

If I were to write about blissful life, does that mean I too, will live in a bliss? 

If I keep telling myself I can do this. No matter what, I can get through this. Will it make me feel different? 

If I keep smiling, will the pain and sorrow dissipate? 

If I stand under the sun, will I take on its shine? 

If I climb up the hills and mountains, will I grow as tall? 

If I keep silent, will I remain focused and calm? 

If I scream out, will my voice be heard? 

If I fight back, whose side will I be on?  Who will be with me? 

If I walk alone, will I have any pride? 

If I accept who I am- will I stay alive? 

End.