Excerpts from the London Underground- Meeting the Devil Part 2

Warning: This story is for 18+

Meeting The Devil 

I was planning a celebration for my 16th Birthday. Being young and carefree, naturally I wanted to try out some drugs. I wanted to experience a different feeling. It wouldn’t be my first time doing them. Last time I tried acid, it was on my 14th birthday and I done it with two other friends at a festival, camping on-site.

It was a bizarre yet frightening experience. Petrifying! I was stuck in this world which seemed like an eternity, everything around was distorted, warped, and it seemed as if I was linked to all dimensions in those lasting hours, which as I said, seemed like an eternity. 

It was in that connection, and discovering the fact that there was more than one dimension in this universe, that I experienced psychosis.  This is the term used by the mental health experts. I don’t believe it to be true though. I saw things, I experienced things, with all my senses, although distorted and influenced by the acid that I swallowed. 

I heard a crying cat, the cat’s cry was coming through a hole so, I followed the voice and jumped into the hole. I felt like I could do anything, I wanted to save the poor cat. I wanted it to stop crying. As I landed down the hole, it felt like my body was transmitted instantly into a different world. I felt my weight disappear and then felt my body once more as I landed. I was naked at this point. My hair untied, with just my underwear and bra. I had to be, because when I swallowed the acid, I swallowed it inside my 3-man tent. I undressed and so did my friends. My other 2 friends were also girls. We were close, we had done a lot of stuff together. We had been in the same school since year 7. 

They were not present in the new dimension where I seemed to have landed chasing after the sound of the crying cat.

Why? I don’t know. Perhaps, the experience was different for us all. I relate this story after having recounted the events to someone I could confide in. Since this incident, I have been able to sense people’s energy around them. This was how I was able to choose him.

On the contrary, I have been surrounded with darkness and heaviness since this experience. I experience what they call hallucinations and delusions. 

When I found myself standing in this other dimension, I searched for the sound of the cat. When my gaze fell upon the cat, I saw it hanging by a thin thread down a ceiling which had no end in sight. It was an abyss. The cat was being skinned alive, except the head. It was intact with skin still on. The beings that were skinning the cat were surrounding the cauldron in which its body was hanging into. The cauldron was see through, it was filled with cat hair and slimy liquid, cat skins. The cat skins inside were full to the brim. It wasn’t just this cat alone. It was many cats, their skins carefully and skillfully detached from their body.

If the cats were tall enough perhaps, I could have covered my naked body with the cat skin. What were these hooded beings doing? They were tall, cloaked in all black. Looking at them standing where I was, behind their backs, I felt powerful, yet scared at the sight of skinned cats. As I drew closer and closer, with each step my sight adjusted better to the new surroundings. More cat heads hanging from this thin, somewhat invisible thread kept appearing. That provided the answer, why there were so many cat skins inside the cauldron. The slimy liquid could be blood. But the colour was different. It was see through, thick throughout. The cauldron was the most visible thing with everything inside, then the cat heads.

It was as if, I was meant to be seeing what was happening in this world. I wanted to stop this cruelty, and I wanted to know who was behind it. So, I took each careful step forward, planning in my head what I was supposed to say and do. Perhaps, I felt invincible because of the acid effects. I was scared because I wasn’t wearing all my clothes and I was surrounded in this place with cloaked and hooded tall figures, and a cauldron full of cat skins.

As I stepped forward, I couldn’t seem to close my distance towards the cauldron. I was stepping forward, yet the cauldron was as far as it was when I started moving towards it. Perhaps, there was an invisible barrier around it. I decided to shout and speak up. This seemed to be my only option. I don’t know what I would have achieved by getting close to it anyway. It was just my sense of invincibility. 

As I screamed, the cloaked figures turned all their gazes at me. It was a piercing sight. It felt as if, they could see through me. They knew who I was, what I had been through in life. I felt ever more naked and stripped. I had lost all clothing to my inner self too. This dimension with all its vivid colours and weird sense of space and time, exposed me to the horrors I had never witnessed before. As they turned around, I saw that these figures weren’t humans. Their eyes looked like cat eyes, with changing colours and slits for pupils that glowed. The rest of their features were fiery, like ribbons of smoke and fire forming their body and face. In the next instant, they surrounded me. Out of my fear, I lunged at them, kicked and punched one of them. However, I seemed to have passed right through them. Those were actual ribbons of fiery smoke that they were made of.

I screamed out, “Why, why are you so horrible to the cats? Why are you skinning them?” 

They replied in unison, “This is how we dress ourselves. The cloak you see us wearing is made from the cat skin. Our job is to be the guardians of clothing to our tribes.” 

I was frightened, it wasn’t that they replied in unison, but the reality in this world perhaps, was different. The one speaking was speaking in many voices, it had more than one voice.

“W…who a..a.. are you?” I stuttered. 

“We are living beings, that have existed long before humans. Although, you can’t see us. We can see you. How is it that you have managed to come into our dimension, beautiful girl?” Asked the being with multiple voices. “I followed the sound of the cat crying and I ended up down here, jumping into the hole,” I replied.

“And how were you able to see that hole? Humans cannot see the entrance to our world,” said the being with multiple voices. 

I thought it was better not to tell them about how I ended up here. They seemed to already know though. So, I asked a different question. 

“What is your name? How can I get back to the human world? 

“I am ifreet, the leader of my tribe. My name is Sansabeel. Look behind you Emile. You will understand more once you do,” said Sansabeel. 

I screamed as I looked behind me, there was a similar being right behind me as if it was clinging to my back. Latched onto me!

“I don’t understand, what are you doing?” I shouted. 

“What do you want from me? GET OFF ME!” I screamed.  

Sansabeel replied, “Quiet down Emile. She is your partner. All you humans are born with one of us attached to you. They cannot speak, they can only whisper. If you quiet down your thoughts, you can listen to her. Her name is also Emile.” 

“How do you know my name? How do you know her name?” I asked scared. 

“I know things that you don’t. I see things that you don’t. I can communicate with Emile from a distance. We employ message carriers. It’s surprising that you came down here. However, it is not surprising considering it was meant to be,” said Sansabeel.

“What do you mean it was meant to be?” I retorted.  

“You are beautiful and talented, you will grow up looking even more beautiful. Emile is jealous of your beauty, so she clings to your back. She wants to be you, but she only shares your name. She lives the same life as you do, next to you. Yet, it is forced upon her. So, she envies you. She wishes to be you. You can be one and you shall be one. For it is the only way out.” said Sansabeel.  

I quietened down my thoughts and my mind as Sansabeel spoke. I discovered that I could talk to Emile. I was surprised. She told me, she has always been there, whispering, wishing and talking to me. She told me to be on my guard in this world and not get tricked by the devils. I asked what she meant.

She said that she was a devil. A lesser one. The one called ‘Sansabeel‘ was a greater devil. Higher in rank, power and authority.  ‘Ifreet‘ was his rank and position in their world. Hers was ‘Qareen’. She told me how all humans have qareens. Most would share the same name but some would have different name to their human counterparts. I asked why should I be warned and listen to her when she was one of them. How were they trying to trick me? But she said that she had warned and told me what she could. The rest was up to me to figure out. 

I turned my attention back at the surrounding beings, rather devils. I looked at the one called Sansabeel. I asked him, “What do you mean by the only way out?” 

He replied, “You will know soon. Try find your way out first.”

I tried, I tried finding the hole from which I entered,  I tried get near the cauldron but couldn’t. I was stuck in this never ending vast space and the longer I remained there, it seemed as though time was passing quickly. My chest and thighs started to mature more. My buttocks got bigger, my nails and hair grew longer. It felt like many months had passed, perhaps even a year or so.

At this point they were back to their task of skinning cats, some left the place, others joined them. Emile and I were still here. Rather, I was still here and Emile invisible to me in the human world, was now piggy backing me in this world. She seemed weightless. Perhaps because of the fiery smoky ribbons that they were made of. She would whisper in my head now and then but it was getting harder and harder to distinguish whether those were my own thoughts or hers. 

A thought occurred to me, what Sansabeel said once, it was meant to be that we will become one? What if the longer I stayed in this dimension, we merged together? I turned to look at my back and Emile on my back seemed to have her body and head on my back now, her hands and legs were inside me. That’s what it seemed to me then. I was scared, is this what was going to happen? Were we going to merge and become one? And would I only leave this place after that happened?

I was scared whether I would leave this place after we merged or would it be the devil Emile who was slowly merging with my body? Remembering what Sansabeel told me about her, she wants to be me. She was jealous of me and everything he said, it only made sense that I wasn’t the one that was going to leave this place. Rather, Devil Emile who would become me would leave from here as me. Her desires and wishes fulfilled. 

I was scared. Not knowing what to do, I ran back towards Sansabeel. When I finally reached him. I questioned, if there was any other way of leaving this place? 

He replied, “Yes, there is!” 

I was delighted to hear his answer and eager to know how? I asked him. “What do I do? Tell me!”

So he said, “The other way for you to leave this place, is to put on the same clothes as us. You were able to enter this place because Emile was whole on your back. Now that she is merging with your body, you can’t leave until it is complete. Although, if you are in a hurry, you can pick one of our clothing, put it on. It will help you to pass through the hole that you came from.” Said Sansabeel 

“Ok, how do I put it on? Do I need to put on the cat skin? Will that really fit me?” I asked. 

He replied, “There is a slight nuance to it though. You can only put on a new clothing, if you get rid of Emile. Only you can choose to do that. You will have to kill her.”

Ever more scared, I asked him, “Tell me how? I don’t know if I can do it. I don’t know how to do it.” 

Sansabeel replies, “All you have to do is, repeat the spell after me.” 

“Demon Emile, demon Emile,  Now you are, No More!” 

I repeated it after him and Emile completely disappeared. I asked him, “Is she dead? Has she been killed? What if you tricked me to merge us together quicker?” 

He laughed, ” Ha ha ha, did you think I was trying to trick you? Perhaps, that’s what she told you and warned you against!” 

I was surprised he knew. So I said, “So was it a trick? I still feel as me? I wouldn’t know till I am back in human world again?” 

He laughed once more, ” Ha ha ha, I don’t have to trick you girl. All worlds are mere illusions. All of it is deception. The only thing real is death. You done her a favour, killing her. Now she has been set free of her desires, her envy, her wishes that could never come true. She has passed onto the afterlife.” 

“Listen child! When you put on the clothing, you will share some of our knowledge. Though it may be little, it will suffice to get out of this world. It will make you one of us in the human world. You will appear human. But you will also be one of us.” 

Scared and having no other option. I took the devil’s word. He offered me a cat skin, white like mine. No hair, it was small though. But when I grabbed it, it grew to my size. I put it on. The skin was cut neatly through the mid-section, I couldn’t zip it or tie it. He told me I would have to sow the skin together with the cat hair. A thread made of cat hair was given to me with a needle. I started sowing, starting by the legs, then the mid and the arms. It took long but I managed to sow it altogether. He showed me a mirror and I looked beautiful wearing the cat skin. My doubts about Sansabeel vanished in that instant. Seeing myself so beautiful, I wanted to thank him for his help.

He laughed when I did, and said that he was thankful that I accepted his offer. I had no idea what he meant. Perhaps he was happy, that I will be one of them. I was scared at the thought of it. But didn’t know what other choice I had in this world. I wanted to get back to our world, the human world and if that meant, killing the demon Emile and putting on the cat skin, so be it. 

Once I had the cat skin on, I was able to levitate. Move faster and probably do more than that. I only wanted to get back to our world. I don’t know how long I had been here. The time and space was distorted. I had grown slightly, matured more. I was eager to get back. 

With the cat skin on, I was able to see the wormhole that Sansabeel pointed towards and thanked him before leaving. He laughed and said we will meet again.  

I jumped in the hole, and found myself back in our realm. I felt human still, but I felt restrained. I was lying down in a bed. One of my two friends I was with when we took acid was by my side. I asked Annie, “what is happening? Why am I tied up? Where am I? We were meant to be at the festival?”

She took a deep breath, hugged me and started sobbing. “Oh Emile! I have been so worried, I have been coming here everyday to see you.”

She filled me in all the details from that night we were together. She told me how Sasha had died. I screamed because I didn’t know what else to do. I screamed more and the nurses rushed in, they injected me with something that put me to sleep despite my attempts at trying to stay awake. I saw them taking Annie outside the room and telling her on the way out, that she was told not to mention anything to me. She apologised and left. 

I fell asleep and woke up the next day. I was still restrained in the bed. Apparently, the nurses had been looking after me in my unconscious state. According to them, I was in a frantic state, mostly asleep and when I would wake up, I was talking to someone.  They deduced that it was an extreme condition of schizophrenia and psychosis. 

Perhaps I was lucky, being diagnosed with psychosis and schizophrenia, I was able to get away with killing my friend at the camp site. Annie filled me in all the details. I killed Sasha, as Sasha was hugging me because I kept screaming and talking to someone, unconscious tripping on acid. Annie told me I had strangled Sasha. She had tried to stop me but I was too powerful for both of them. She told me, how there were multiple voices coming out from my throat and how I had this super strength. She told me, I laid there unconscious after killing Sasha and only properly woke up after 3 weeks. I was sleeping most of those 3 weeks and would wake up now and then in between screaming and talking to someone. I was being fed glucose and other intravenous food. My nails were indeed slightly longer, I couldn’t tell what my body was like. I was restrained and strapped to the hospital bed. The room was small, all walls were painted light grey. The window was sealed with crossbars. The door had a window next to it through which I could see outside and those outside could see me. Sometimes, they would turn on the coating so I couldn’t see outside and only those outside could see me. 

I wanted to get out of here. I had so many questions and so much time to think. However, my brain had shut out thinking. It was crucially painful to think. To think about what had happened that night and what I had seen and witnessed in the other world. I mostly managed to scream. I stayed in the mental hospital for another 4 weeks till I had stopped screaming and started responding to a normal conversation. In fact, I was restraining myself from screaming so I could be free. I spoke to the psychotherapists and nurses daily and answered some of their questions every time they came in holding a file and loads of papers.  They were monitoring me and everything I said, all my actions, behaviours and apparent emotions. 

I remembered Sansabeel’s advice to quieten my mind. I couldn’t listen to my own thoughts but it felt calming just sitting there on the bed restrained, but with an empty mind. They asked me all sorts of questions, they asked me why I strangled my friend? Was I aware of it? Did I remember it? 

They asked me what I recalled of that night? What was the last thing I remembered? Why was I scratching my whole body and cutting myself with nails as if trying to sow my skin together? I left out most details from the incident. For some reason something told me, not to mention too many details. The doctors had strong evidence to deduce that I acted unconsciously and under the influence of acid in the incident. They further deduced I developed psychosis and schizophrenia, so I was eventually allowed to leave after a total of 7 weeks. 

I was wearing a hospital dress that was slit through the mid and tied in equally spaced laces. I felt sick thinking about the dress and how I came to wear it when all I wanted to do was get out. 

The Mad Boyfriend

“I never told this to anyone before not till I met you. There’s something about your energy, like maybe you would  listen to me and believe me,” said I. 

I spent 3 nights in a love hotel room, first time on the night of my 16th Birthday. I had met him a few times before but only to get weed from him. I wanted to try new drugs and he knew people who were able to get them. We also got acid but having done it the first time, I knew this time how much to swallow to limit it to a 3-day trip. We had all the party drugs, MDMA, LSD, weed, and acid. We swallowed acid last and once I did, it all started it again. 

I found myself in the realm connecting all worlds. I was wearing cat skin that I had sewn roughly 2 years ago. I had to be wearing it because we were about to make love right before swallowing acid. I wanted him, and he desired me. He  started by kissing my neck and slowly moving his lips all the way down to my belly and kissing my thighs. My heart was pounding, it was beating as it had never before. As we swallowed the acid, it all began.

Once in this other realm, I met Sansabeel again. I asked if I was really with him? He said that I chose the right person and that he was indeed with me. I asked him whether it was me alone that was able to enter this world while my physical body still remained in the human world. He said that I was of the few. The boy I was with, had different gifts and he was leading on a different path. He told me however, that our destinies were intertwined. Sansabeel was the boy in the human world. He had influence over the boy. I asked him how? And he went on to explain that he could communicate with the boy and make him do his bidding. That’s how he was able to find her again. He said that there are no coincidences in life. Everything occurs as it is willed. Be it the divine Will, the choices we make ourselves or the path we are led onto. It is all mere manifestation.

“I don’t understand what you mean Sansabeel,” said I.

“You will in due time, my love!” said Sansabeel.

He went on to tell me that this was a special night, 16 was the coming of age. Tonight they were to be wedded. Joined together in union, Sansabeel my king, and I his queen. The ritual began, many of his kinds surrounded us and watched us as we made love in plain sight. Our naked bodies intertwined. Sansabeel had the power to change forms, he was the boy whom I was making love to. At first, I didn’t know whether the boy was summoned to this realm or was it Sansabeel who transformed. He explained it. He told me, that I had been chosen the day I put on the cat skin.

This ritual were to last 3 days. We were to fast the entirety of the remaining 3 days of human world. This seemed like an eternity in this realm. I was given a new skin to put on. The skin for the Queen. Sansabeel wore his new skin, the cat skin reserved for the Kings of his kind.

He explained that with this new skin I was able to share some of my power and abilities with the boy in human world. He told me that he would always be with me through that boy.

When it was all over, I found myself energised. This new found energy made me feisty. Instead of having a happy and loving relationship, our relationship turned abusive. He tried exert his control over me and I over him. It always led to arguments and physical confrontations.

We were only ever happy when intoxicated and under the influence of different drugs. In that state, I was able to meet the real Sansabeel. I wanted him to remain with me in the human world. He said that this is how it was meant to be. He told me there were some boundaries that were impossible to cross. It was the unwritten ‘Law’. It had to be upheld. Those who broke it, were condemned to abyss for the remainder of eternity. Burnt in flames in perpetuity.

We were special however, what we had was special. Over the years, we have managed to sustain this special relationship, through intoxication, rituals and innate evil.

Excerpts from the London Underground- Part 1

Writing this story after having read some of Dostoyevsky’s works. This piece of fiction is an “Excerpt From The London Underground” There are 2 parts to this story. A twisted tale, I wrote few years back but the idea to complete it finally dawned upon me after reading ‘The Notes from the Underground’ and ‘The Double’ by Fyodor Dostoyevsky. It inspired me to write a few notes on London Underground .

1.

I am a sick and a wicked man, people! I laugh about this fact. I take great pleasure in it. I still have a good heart deep inside me. I too, question why I do what I do sometimes, people. I often act as if I am not my ‘self’. The self I want to be denies me. The self that’s easy to be, becomes me!

Let me ask you this question, people! Why is it so hard for some people to be good? Morally good, act good towards others! While it is easier for others to be more self-centered, and act out of spite against others. I fall in the latter category, people! I am addressing you as people, not because I am trying to be friendly or telling you all this. Rather I write all this, as I imagine myself to be standing in front of a jury. It does not matter to me how you judge me, but perhaps I am seeking critique of my character, who I am, what I am and who I have become over the years.

I do not work, people! People work for me, or to be specific a number of people work for me. I enjoy the money that comes in. They make a decent sum, it allows me to live somewhat lavishly, extravagantly. Yes, in the eyes of many of my haters and enemies, I am a rich man. They despise me because they haven’t been able to build what I have, people! What is it that I have built, you may ask? I will reveal that too, in due time, people!

But first you must understand to learn to look at things objectively, only then you will be able to judge fairly. As I mentioned, I don’t care how you judge me, however, some parts of me want to know this perspective of a jury. I may be a smart man, indeed I am. That’s the very reason I have managed to stay alive and free all this time. Despite having many enemies, frenemies. You see the life I live doesn’t allow me to distinguish friends from foe so easily. I am a great observer of people, yet I lead a life where friends become enemies if you’re not careful enough.

I guess I am talking all over the place, I may only be making you more curious as to who I am and what I do. I live differently from most members of the society. I take great pride in it. The big brother watches all, but I evade him, people! I find great humour in the fact on how many different occasions, I have slipped through the trappings of big brother. Just how water slips through the net when one catches a fish. I am not a fish, people! Most people are fish and get caught, but I slip away just like water.

When I said I was seeking critique of my character, I lied. I don’t think much of critiques, I know myself too well perhaps. I can say this because I am a great observer of people. To understand yourself, it is important that you understand others. Once you understand the different workings of the minds, it is easier to dissect your own mind. Please be wary though, the mind and the heart are often conflicted, people! If you were as spiteful as I were, the conflict between the heart and the mind would be blurred. This conflict holds true for those who still have command over their caprices, who do not give in to such inner desires, who are in constant battle with these inner whispers.

2.

In the 21st century, you may wonder with all the advancements and technology, why the world remains in turmoil. It is because people such as myself exist in many places. Are you free of all impurities, people? Are you free of your desires? Are you truly free? Then I have another question for you, people? Are you weak? Or are you courageous? Weak-willed and cowardly people such as myself do more harm, bring more harm, and suffer from much self-inflicted harm. The weak-willed man dare not stand up to his friends or foes. He shall never confront them but he schemes and plots to procure harm against his friends or foes. The weak-willed man smiles with you, eats with you, laughs with you and pretty much does everything as a strong-willed person would. The weak-willed man if it came down to it, would hurl curses, swears and aggression the same way towards you as a strong-willed man who loses his temper. Note people! I said lose control over one’s temper for a strong-willed person. I cannot say the same for the weak-willed person because he always reacts emotionally. He fumes up if you pinch him. I have tried to develop a strong-will but because of life circumstances and experiences I have failed at it. I acknowledge my weaknesses, people! I admit that I am weak-willed but only do so when I write here. If I were to admit this fact in front of others, then I will not be as free, or the freedom I have created for myself, the lifestyle I live will slowly push me out of the food-chain and leave me vulnerable. Yet, despite the fact, the circle around me has pushed me to extremes and condemned me to a life of minimal contact with people over the years. It is because I have many enemies, and few whom I could call friends. Even my friends seem to only tolerate my presence. I tolerate theirs too. In fact, not only tolerate, I am always able to get what I want because I buy it with money. Money is a hard commodity, people! Easy to come by if you know of ways to obtain it. Money influences many people. It inspires many people, it enslaves many people. What you do with the money is your business, people! I am only telling you from experience how money can do many things, and perhaps even buy things when a fine glass of wine and drugs of some sort accompany it!

You will know what I mean, if you were to take a walk in the heart of London after midnight. That’s when the devils’ work starts. Perhaps it starts as soon as the sun goes down but it comes out on the streets after midnight. The weak-willed people easy to get to are found on the streets. The devil seeks them and they seek him. Drugs- weed, cocaine, heroine, alcohol, crack. Indulgence for all, rich or poor is widely available. I am the devil, people! But I am not the worst of them. I am merely one of them!

3.

Abandoned by my mother at a young age of 6 after a divorce between my parents. I was sent off to be put under foster care. I hated everyone there. The food, the people and the school. I was often bullied by my senior school mates. I tried to befriend them on several occasions. The three of them lived on the same road as me. I often used to run into them during the morning walk to school, only to be kicked down or forced to do star jumps, sit in a puddle on a rainy day or given their school bags to carry them to school. I hated it, but I did it to be their friend.

Then one day I got into a fight with another boy in my year. The boy had a group of friends whom together with him, beat me up. So, the next day, I went to my senior friends and asked for help. One of them gave me a pocket knife and told me to stop being cowardly, stop crying and be a man. I took the knife and during the break I thrust it into my enemy. Other boys watched in horror. The police was called and after things calmed down, I was sent away to a different city in foster care. Apparently, the boy suffered serious life threatening wounds but the size of the knife wasn’t big enough to cut through the vital organs. If I had to be punished, I still regret not finishing the job.

I was a little devil from a young age, people! I am not writing this to confess my crimes, this is already in the knowledge of the authorities. I despised my life at school, being sent away was no different. My only friends in that town were sand and beaches. My foster family was always suspicious of me because I started sneaking out and smoking at a young age. I even started selling everything to my classmates. I was taking everyone’s lunch money. I enjoyed this, and in turn, I made friends. Friends as some may see it. But to me they were fish and I was the sea drowning them in.

4.

I am still a devil, and just like the sea I am drowning people in. Like I mentioned before, people! I am merely one of the devils. Why do I live such a lifestyle you may ask? Because it has always come easy to me. I am still that child who enjoys taking people’s lunch money. Addiction is a scary thing, it makes one want to spend money on dirty habits rather than looking after one’s self. God help you, my dear people, if you are an addict and have a family too. Despite being the devil I am, I still acknowledge that God exists. But how does God let me do my work while He is there watching? My belief in God has been shaken and strengthened many a times. More than likely, I hold distorted views that a proper believer may disagree with. You see people, there exists in this world ‘Good’ & ‘Evil’. I am sure you must know this already, but I emphasise it in this moment, so you are aware what sort of world waits out there.

Using these very tricks of the devil and often flaunting around some freebies, I have women at my disposal. Parties, drinks and drugs are my way to a woman’s heart. You see, I have never been able to be in a relationship without using these tricks. These tricks serve my purpose, people! In return, I fulfill someone’s desires. I don’t go around seeking it, it just so happens when you know to be in the right places.

5.

This is the very reason why I am also perhaps paranoid. I know many that envy my lifestyle, I know many who hate me. Furthermore, living the way I do, I constantly have to watch over my shoulder. The big brother watches on and I have to be sly, so that I can evade him. I could write a lengthy detail of my many encounters with women and customers, friends and enemies, authorities etc. However, there are plenty of movies in our 21st century, that permit me not to delve too deep into specifics. I will tell you of one incident though, although of no fault or part of my own. I was once stabbed and left to die on the road by random strangers. Teenagers looking to take out their frustration on someone and I happened to be that person. When I think back on this, I still wonder if there was some sort of planned set-up for this to happen or was it just karma telling me, ‘this is what I owe you’.

I leave the remainder to your imagination, people! Imagination is a wonderful thing, it should be cherished. Imagination is also crippling if all the thoughts that pass over and are whispered paint the narrative of doom and gloom. Perhaps, drugs and drinking is also a factor. Is it the only cause though? I don’t think so, people! There are forces such as inner desires, strong enough to tempt and incline one’s soul towards evil slowly, and bit by bit, it eats away the remaining goodness.

Upon meeting people- Law of Attraction

We choose not randomly each other. We meet only those who already exist in our subconscious. -Sigmund Freud.

Another perspective that I know and believe in is this. ‘Before being born into this world, all the souls reside in the realm of souls. It is there, they take the Covenant. Thereafter, they freely meet other souls. They get along with some and not get along with others.’

It is said that the souls that get along in the realm of souls, if they happen to meet in this world, get on with each other.

When I read the above mentioned quote by Freud, this perspective came to my mind. I have no idea if this can be linked in any way to the subconscious. Some things do not necessarily need rationale.

However, I also think that Freud most likely was thinking through the psychological perspective. 88% of our mind being subconscious, we attract those people towards us, that our subconscious dictates in silence. When I look back and the many faces that I have personally come across, some good, others not so good. I can definitely see a correlation of some sort as to why I came across those people.

It is difficult to change our nature and beliefs that are embedded from a young age. However, we can nurture our subconscious. We can consciously create and replace old neural pathways. Well, if you don’t believe me, there is scientific evidence. The Power of Habit, Atomic Habits, The Chimp Paradox are excellent books that deal and explain it with scientific evidence.

So, why am I writing this? Subconscious mind! The unconscious mind! The conscious mind!

Thinking in relation to what Frued has said, we attract people that exist in our subconscious. Alter your subconscious, and you attract people accordingly. I can say that there is a lot of truth in this. If you believe everyone around you is acting in your favour, it will be so, because you will attract more people that do act in your favour. If you think the world is your enemy, you will come across more ill-intent people.

Why do we learn these lessons the hard way? That’s human nature perhaps 😅

I am grateful to the many people that I have come across. I am also grateful to the ones who were not so good, they taught me to alter my subconscious, to attract more kind and compassionate people towards myself.