Words of a speechless boy! A disability story

Care for me! Love me, don’t abandon me. Don’t kill me, I fear that someday I would be left to die alone. Why? Why do I have these thoughts? I am not capable of seeing? My vision is a blur of hues on the spectrum. All I see is light. It’s like I was born to witness the Light of God.

I can only hear from one ear. My body needs to be cared for. Nor can I walk, neither do I have the capacity to sit.

If you were to leave me, I would just lay there breathing. Don’t leave me! Oh! How I wish you could hear my thoughts?

Do you think that I haven’t wondered why was I born this way? Why was I born a burden to those around me? Yet, here I am still cared for. My mother told me this, son you are fortunate to live in a wonderful country that has a sound social welfare system. Were we to find ourselves in a different country and under different circumstances, I would have loved you the same but I often think, whether I would have been able to provide the same level of care to you.

Hearing this I thought, God brought me here, so people can look after me and feel grateful for what they have. In looking after me, many have found themselves and many have questioned themselves. Those who found themselves turned ever so grateful for all the blessings they were blessed with. However many, if not many, even then the blessings surrounding them enumerated suddenly! Those who questioned why do I have to be doing such work, found that life was difficult and that their conditions were worse than mine.

I feel this all through their touch, most are compassionate. I do wonder sometimes whose touch is sometimes harsh and negligent, are they not compassionate? Why care for me, if you do not actually care for me? I have a family like you. I focus on my thoughts so hard sometimes I feel as if I could communicate with them through these. A family that loves me, like a family that loves you? Do you not have anyone that loves you?

I smile, when I am happy. I cry, when I am in pain. I sleep, when I am tired. I share many emotions and feelings just like you. So what if, I cannot see or hear, taste or touch, sit and walk, speak and run like you. I am still as human as you. I am flesh, I am blood, I am bones and skins, I was birthed. I have a mother just like you. I know many don’t have mothers, children that are orphaned. I feel sorry for them. Yes, I do! Did you think that I am ungrateful? How can I be? When the wonders of world have been kept hidden from me? I feel no envy, I feel no hate. I hold no grudge. Yes, even for those whose touch is negligent. I feel sorry for them. I think to myself, why are they not grateful for the blessings they have?
Some are overwhelmed when they see me or try care for me. They cannot fathom what my life is like. But to them, I can only hope that they hear my thoughts, I am here in this world for a short while. For as long as I remain, I am blessed with the light that I see. A constant light as if Mercy itself enveloped me. I have a name too, just like you. You may think, I have no capacity to think but that is the state of my mind. Yes it is, but I am the one who thinks with his heart. I feel every emotion surrounding me.
When I feel the negativity around me, I send out my heart’s waves. Thus I share some light that I see, with you. I wish you could see what I see. If you could, you would rather be me in my place.
I leave you with these thoughts, and I hope you hear me. ‘Which of your Lords blessings will you deny?’

Peek-a-boo!

It has certainly been a while since I have written any new posts. Life has gotten in the way. Most of it is just an excuse and less of it is laziness. I am glad that I did not break the habit out of laziness.

So, what post have I got up my sleeve this time? What new tricks have I learnt? Or rather skills?

Not learnt anything new. In fact, not even read any books. I started listening to “The beekeeper of Aleppo” on audible. I got quite a few books to go through. I took a break from nearly everything. Perhaps to reset, find balance once more. I am obsessed with balance because most of my life has been a seesaw, an emotional one, a challenging one, the one that constantly shifts weight on either extremes. This being the reason why I am continually trying to find balance when I find myself fortunately and many a times unfortunately, on one of the extreme ends.

Writing everything down helps me find mental clarity. Like talking to a therapist helps me find clarity of thoughts.

I write while I watch the sun set. I am glad that aside all other disruptions and obstacles, I have continued to stay connected to nature. If anything the change of environment has been helpful. It has helped me appreciate blessings, appreciate friends who I keep in touch with and with whom I have not been in contact for a while. It has helped me to be grateful that life still has many opportunities to offer.

Do I sound like a glass half full kind of person right now? While I am most certainly quite optimistic, I am aware of the reality of things surrounding me.

We make things difficult and complicated for ourselves. All the complexities, they stem from me. I guess that means I am still in the process of figuring things out. I still have a lot to learn, I still have a lot of wisdom to gain. Perhaps, when I am wiser, I can say that life is simple.

Where are you in your life right now? Do you see it as simple? Or do you see life as complex? Do you challenge yourself to new goals? Or do you seek comfort in the monotonous routine?

When The Rain Stops!

There are rain clouds above me.

Covering up the sky,

The sun,

The moon,

and the stars.

Every time I step forwards, 

The cloudbursts in synchronised symphony.

I wish for the courage to soak up all the rain.

And when the rain stops, and clouds clear up,

I want to look at the sky and remember what promises I made!

I want to chase those dreams!

End.

Some thoughts while I was writing these 2 poems. No self help and psychology can help an individual when they give up on themselves. Right now in this moment, I feel like I have given up. So I write, I write so that I can influence my feelings. I write so that I can alter my thoughts.

The words are a medium; inspired by thoughts, experiences, feelings, imagination, creativity.  

Just like we first take shelter from the rain and storm, it is only after the rain, that there is more life. The tallest trees soak up the rain in that proportion.  The nature provides many parables. 

Just like a bird that struggles to fly away from the nest. If it gives up trying, it won’t ever look up at the sky. 

Pride and Alive

If I were to write about blissful life, does that mean I too, will live in a bliss? 

If I keep telling myself I can do this. No matter what, I can get through this. Will it make me feel different? 

If I keep smiling, will the pain and sorrow dissipate? 

If I stand under the sun, will I take on its shine? 

If I climb up the hills and mountains, will I grow as tall? 

If I keep silent, will I remain focused and calm? 

If I scream out, will my voice be heard? 

If I fight back, whose side will I be on?  Who will be with me? 

If I walk alone, will I have any pride? 

If I accept who I am- will I stay alive? 

End.