Words of a speechless boy! A disability story

Care for me! Love me, don’t abandon me. Don’t kill me, I fear that someday I would be left to die alone. Why? Why do I have these thoughts? I am not capable of seeing? My vision is a blur of hues on the spectrum. All I see is light. It’s like I was born to witness the Light of God.

I can only hear from one ear. My body needs to be cared for. Nor can I walk, neither do I have the capacity to sit.

If you were to leave me, I would just lay there breathing. Don’t leave me! Oh! How I wish you could hear my thoughts?

Do you think that I haven’t wondered why was I born this way? Why was I born a burden to those around me? Yet, here I am still cared for. My mother told me this, son you are fortunate to live in a wonderful country that has a sound social welfare system. Were we to find ourselves in a different country and under different circumstances, I would have loved you the same but I often think, whether I would have been able to provide the same level of care to you.

Hearing this I thought, God brought me here, so people can look after me and feel grateful for what they have. In looking after me, many have found themselves and many have questioned themselves. Those who found themselves turned ever so grateful for all the blessings they were blessed with. However many, if not many, even then the blessings surrounding them enumerated suddenly! Those who questioned why do I have to be doing such work, found that life was difficult and that their conditions were worse than mine.

I feel this all through their touch, most are compassionate. I do wonder sometimes whose touch is sometimes harsh and negligent, are they not compassionate? Why care for me, if you do not actually care for me? I have a family like you. I focus on my thoughts so hard sometimes I feel as if I could communicate with them through these. A family that loves me, like a family that loves you? Do you not have anyone that loves you?

I smile, when I am happy. I cry, when I am in pain. I sleep, when I am tired. I share many emotions and feelings just like you. So what if, I cannot see or hear, taste or touch, sit and walk, speak and run like you. I am still as human as you. I am flesh, I am blood, I am bones and skins, I was birthed. I have a mother just like you. I know many don’t have mothers, children that are orphaned. I feel sorry for them. Yes, I do! Did you think that I am ungrateful? How can I be? When the wonders of world have been kept hidden from me? I feel no envy, I feel no hate. I hold no grudge. Yes, even for those whose touch is negligent. I feel sorry for them. I think to myself, why are they not grateful for the blessings they have?
Some are overwhelmed when they see me or try care for me. They cannot fathom what my life is like. But to them, I can only hope that they hear my thoughts, I am here in this world for a short while. For as long as I remain, I am blessed with the light that I see. A constant light as if Mercy itself enveloped me. I have a name too, just like you. You may think, I have no capacity to think but that is the state of my mind. Yes it is, but I am the one who thinks with his heart. I feel every emotion surrounding me.
When I feel the negativity around me, I send out my heart’s waves. Thus I share some light that I see, with you. I wish you could see what I see. If you could, you would rather be me in my place.
I leave you with these thoughts, and I hope you hear me. ‘Which of your Lords blessings will you deny?’

Metamorphosis- A review

Metamorphosis is a short story written by Franz Kafka. It’s written over a century ago, yet many people  today can somewhat relate to the transformed Gregor Samsa.

Gregor Samsa wakes up to find himself transformed into an insect. His mind is filled with the worry about getting late to work. How is he supposed to explain his odd and strange situation to those around him?

Gregor works as a travelling salesman. He is the bread winner for his family and feels stuck in a monotonous routine that he has come to accept as everyday reality. He mindlessly follows the routine but after being transformed. His is a predicament! As an insect, he struggles to get up from the bed and get ready for work. Never being late, his manager shows up. After he finally manages to open the door, his dad pushes him back into the room with a stick seeing his horrible sight. Nobody seems to understand his speech. His insect sounds leave him feeling alone suddenly.

His family realises that their son has been transformed into an insect. However, they don’t know what to do to change him back or what help to get him.

Many of us at times feel like the insect stuck in a circle, routine or circumstances beyond which there is no life. Or if there is, there is no stepping outside. Here the insect from my point of view means Gregor has turned useless and is not a commodity useful to those around him anymore.

If in real life, it weren’t transforming into an insect, many people are suddenly left feeling alone and useless after tragic accidents or life circumstances.

Though it is an interesting concept, and indeed that many battle within their lives and minds. I think Franz Kafka also wrote this story because of his own personal life. He felt like an insect after he failed to live up to his father’s expectations.

Furthermore Gregor’s family suffers from deteriorating living standards as the bread winner goes out of work. His family is forced to work. He is left alone in his room. Inside the room, Gregor is looked after for some time by his sister but then upon, new tenants moving in the house and things moving forwards rapidly, everyone seems to forget about Gregor and instead speak about the nuisance that the insect is causing them. The tenants leave the house after they threaten to sue Mr. Samsa but he forces them out.

In the end Gregor dies a lonely death.

When I think about the insect that Gregor turns into, it sounds awfully depressing viewing life from such perspective. It makes me wonder a century ago, why Franz Kafka thought like an individual who didn’t seem to have a purpose in life. It seems that Franz Kafka was full of doubts, confusion. Even though he wrote many series of novels, he didn’t publish any of them. Despite having a Jewish heritage, Franz Kafka was disconnected from his community, beliefs and sense of higher being. Mind you, I am only contemplating about this story and Kafka’s way of thinking in particular. This story is filled with symbols and metaphors to me. The main metaphor being Gregor turning useless and a burden referred in the story as an insect. I found this other review quite good on Franz Kafka himself. One thing for sure, Metamorphosis caused me to look into and read on who Franz Kafka is. I have heard his name in many online lectures and videos. In understanding the author, I want to understand what he has written about. But I am pretty sure, all of this might swiftly change or transform into something else once I pick up another one of his books that dives into a different theme.

In summary, I cannot grasp Kafka’s thinking by just reading Metamorphosis, I would have to read more on Franz Kafka himself and read more of his books to figure out what other themes and ideas he delves into.

Unicorns- A novel review

What do I know about unicorns? This is meant to be a review of Hard Boiled Wonderland And The End of the World. In Japanese, Sekai no owari to hādo-boirudo wandārando.

Achtung ⚠️  Es gibt viele spoilern für den Novel.

What stood out to me in the novel?

No names. All characters were referred to either by description or job title. The chubby girl, the librarian, Calcutec. There are more but I am not planning on telling the whole story here. Du magst, du liest. Don’t know why I am including a bit of German hier und da.

I guess because of a recent funny video or maybe because I watched Monster again. Every time I watch it, it’s like watching it all over again, mainly because my memory with animes is poor to the point that I enjoy what I watch but don’t retain most of it. Maybe because I binge through most of the series.

Anyhow, in this novel, the protagonist is a calcutec. Calcutecs work for The System. The novel contains two stories, each narrated in an alternative chapter. The two stories merge near the end like two rivers meeting at the meeting point. The calcutec is being pursued by Samiatecs whose job is to steal the information from the calcutecs. Cyber warfare.

It’s a strange, bizarre and out of this world novel. It wouldn’t be a stretch to call it Kafkaesque. Many of Haruki Murakami’s work take inspiration from Franz Kafka.

What can I write that you wouldn’t find on Wikipedia or Google about this piece of art. While a lot of the story is still fresh in my head as I recently listened to it. I took my time listening to it. I want to review it so that it makes you want to pick up this book.

If you’re one for creativity, imagination. If you’re into surrealism, science fiction then this would definitely be a good read for you. What’s more, the novel explores the concept of death. The end of the world is a theme for the science fiction story that is taking place in the protagonists world. What he doesn’t know is that this world has been embedded into his subconscious with the help of the old scientist who worked for the system. Shuffling, sound editing and examining the subconscious is the theme here.

What caught my attention is the relationship of dream world and real life. How the subconscious influences it. While not apparently made clear. I came to my conclusion listening to the book that the characters between the two stories are somewhat related. The relationship isn’t hard to figure out, especially the librarian in the two worlds and the protagonist in both worlds.

The intricate relationship of how the protagonist finds a way to not lose his mind, memories and identity is hinted at, him getting into a relationship with the librarian who is as empty as him inside, after some traumatic life experiences and previous personal relationships.

Then what is further hinted at, are the attributes and qualities that the protagonist possesses that make him the only survivor of the System’s experiment. Here what I understood was the resilience and it’s connection with the subconscious which is near a breaking point that either helps him retain his mind and memories or come to an end like the rest of the subjects who went through the experiment.

Well as you see from my review of the novel that a lot of the story is left open for debate. Each reader can make their own conclusions. Perhaps, this is also a point of critique. When you read or listen to the story you will find many other nuances within the two stories that are open for interpretation. Nevertheless, the story is still complete. The ideas and nuances left open for interpretation and debate act as a hook to get the readers involved.

Another point of critique perhaps is that the start of the story is bizarre, also a little slow paced. However, if you continue reading you will be absorbed by the story after a couple of chapters.

Hard Boiled Wonderland And The End Of The World easily goes in my top list of Haruki Murakami’s novels. My other favourite novels by Murakami are The Wind-up Bird Chronicles, 1Q84 and Kafka On The Shore.

Image credit: Behance